Stop!

I can't believe it's been 5 months since we heard that you were going to die.  I've had a tough time with it this week.  I've been trying to stay busy and keep my mind off of you but I know that will never happen.  I've lost a lot of people in my life lately and it's because of you.  One of my best friends told me I was making bad choices in my life and I wasn't making you proud.  I don't know if you would be proud of the choices I'm making right now.   I'm trying to be the best person I can be but I'm lost and feel like I'm treading water. It's hard to explain how I feel to people that have never lost a parent.  You were my best friend and really my everything.  We were so close and now I feel alone.  Some days I want to run away and just be alone.
I've met some new people that have been really great at keeping me busy and taking me out.  They are a lot of fun and we have been doing crafty projects (you know I love that), going out for each others birthdays and just going out for drinks.  We've become really close and 2 of the girls work at the school so it's nice to have that tie.  It's hard to talk to them about you because they don't know what it's like to have lost a parent.  They do the best they can to understand but it's hard.  I have met another friend that gets it because they lost their dad 7 years ago and they were really close.  I've probably got some of the best advice from them.  But then the other night you came up again.  They told me that you wouldn't want me doing certain things.  I completely lost it.