Volleyball

Saturday was Brian's senior day with the volleyball team. They beat one of the best teams in the conference and Brian was so excited. I know you would have been so excited too.  I've never seem him do pumped up.  Kerri and Dad saw the first game and Courtney, Kennedy and I were there for the later game.  They played Anna Maria and completely dominated winning 3 matches in a row.  Before the game they introduced the seniors and the coach gave a speech about each one of the guys. He talked about how Brian tried out for basketball and was excited he didn't make it.  He also said Brian had one more year of eligibility since he didn't play freshmen year and he was working in talking him into coming back.  Dad just shook his head.  After the background and speech they announced who was there to support Brian and I can't help but dwell on the fact that they said "his dad, Doug and sisters Erin, Courtney and Kerri." They should have said his mom, Linda.  You were his biggest supporter and fan and you missed his whole season.  After Brian they called the other seniors Mike and Ross and both of them had moms that were announced.  It was heartbreaking.  We went out to dinner with Mike's  family after the game and I dropped off all the supplies I had bought for Brian's new apartment.  People give me a hard time for doing so much for him but I need to.  I need to take care of him.
I've been having a rough time since then.  I keep thinking about you and how much I need you.  I'm so lost and I feel like everything is crumbling around me.  Another person I cared about and confided in is gone.  I don't know how to fix it.  You know that I can't stand not being able to fix things.  I want everyone to be happy.  I feel like everything is falling apart and no one understands.  People have been telling me I need to see a therapist but I'm not ready.  I don't want to admit to a stranger that I can't handle and manage my life.  I just wish people would stop leaving me and realize I need them.