It's so crazy to think that one month around this time was the last time I saw you in person. It was around 10:30pm that we were told you were going to die. I will never for as long I live forget those words that broke my heart and changed my life forever.
Today started off not much different than any other. Girlie was hiding in the bathroom sink in a bubble bath out of mini marshmallows. Kennedy was so excited to find her. It took her a few minutes while she was brushing her teeth to notice her in the right hand sink.
I had parent/teacher conferences. You know that's my least favorite day of the school year. I don't like talking to parents and for most of them it's just a run down of the kids academics. The 2 boys that I have behavior issues with the parents didn't want to hear about it. One of the dads laughed and told me his kid was a hellion! Um....no kidding! A lot of the parents told me they were sorry for my loss. I just said thank you but I wanted to start balling. I know I saw this in every message but I just miss you. I drive home from school everyday and I don't have anyone to talk to. You would listen to me complain about school, the kids, Jay, my girls or basically anything. I lost my best friend and sometimes I find myself talking to you in my head. I hope you can hear me.
I didn't get out of school until 7:40pm and then I went to Judy's for the Christmas Klub party. My secret pal was Stephanie and she gave me some owl school things, a scarf and an owl ornament. The kids at school with love it. I reminded Courtney on Sunday about Klub but she forgot. She says she must have dementia...haha! Aunt Betty and I were talking about her helping Dad out with office stuff and then she was talking about how Uncle Bob cleaned out all of Aunt Lisa's things. I said dad wasn't ready for that yet. I don't want dad to have a shrine for you but I just can't imagine getting rid of your things. I want to leave it all there in hopes you will come back. I started crying and Aunt Betty felt bad. She always feels bad when I cry but I just miss you so much that sometimes all I can do is cry. I miss my life with you. I honestly don't know who I am or what I'm doing sometimes without you. I don't know how I get through my day. I must just go through the motions. Some people don't understand when I say that to them but there are days I get to the afternoon and don't even remember the morning.
It's funny that as I write this it turns 11:11. Maureen Hancock said something about 11:11. I always remember 11:11 was time to make a wish. I used to wish for you to get better and now I wonder what I should wish for. I know I won't get the one with I want and that's for you to come back. So sometimes I wish for people I miss to come back in my life, other times I wish to be happy again, and sometimes I can't even think of something I want more than you. I remember when you were in the hospital and we were all at the camper and it turned 11:11 and Courtney yelled to make a wish. I knew we all wished for you. It makes me sad that all our prayers and wishes didn't come true. We tried really hard.
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