I knew this week wouldn't be easy. It never is! Trying to teach and manage 22 5/6 year olds the week before Christmas is a nightmare. This morning I was supposed to have an EST meeting but I thought it was cancelled. It wasn't!! So I missed it then ran into the principal and literacy coach in the hallway. I told them I couldn't believe meetings would be scheduled the week before Christmas. The principal was snippy and said her mother in laws school only allows them to do something Christmas related for the last 30 minutes on Friday. I wasn't complaining because I had Christmas stuff planned!! I was complaining because I teach Kindergarten and the week before Christmas is very important with keeping their schedules routine and if I'm out of the room I can't do that! Then the topic of curriculum leader came up again. Jamie and I were finally told that we were sharing the job. You know I've been trying to get an answer about this since June. Well last week they tell us and now we have 2 meetings this week and the meeting with Dunning (the assistant superintendent) got cancelled last week. I about nearly had a breakdown when people were telling me all the "added" duties. Jamie and I were never told about these so I decided I can't do it. I have been trying so hard to keep life the way it was before you left but I can't do it anymore. You aren't here and my life is different!
I threw myself back into work 110% because I thought I just needed to stay busy but I'm becoming overwhelmed! I'm not doing anymore than I used to but my heart hurts and being happy and busy all the time is draining! I cried the whole way home from school today because I wanted to call you and complain about school. You always understood or would just listen and say the right things. I talked to Jay but he doesn't get it. I tried calling Kerri but she didn't answer. So I ended up calling a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. He was super supportive and said all the right things (or at least what I wanted to hear...that the people at school sucked basically). It was just like what you would have said. I don't realize at times how much I miss you until I want to call you and complain or tell you the stupid little things that are going on in my life.
Raegan woke up this morning and instead of calling for me she was calling for Dad. She kept saying, "Bapa, Hi Bapa, Bapa!" It was so cute. I think both her and Ken know how much Dad needs them. Kennedy asked him to pick her up from school someday and take her to the zoo. She wants to go to the zoo with him so bad. Hopefully she loves going to Disney with him. I know he will.
I know people keep telling me and all of us that you are here and that you are an angel that is always with us. Or they say we have so much to remember you by but damn it I don't want to remember you or think of you as an angel!! I want you back here with me and I want to see Mum flash on my phone with a text or a phone call. I want you to call me Erron and Bert. I want to tell you how pissed off I am with the lack of direction at school and how my kids in class are acting like punks. I want to stare at your gray hairs and you tell me you have an appointment with Katy soon. Geez...I even miss giving you pedicures. The last time I painted your toes is when you were in a coma in the hospital. I wanted to make sure you woke up with them painted. I never thought that would be the last time. I miss all the foolish things that we used to do and I miss my best friend.
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