Thanksgiving, Black Friday and the Christmas Parade

We went to Aunt Betty's for Thanksgiving like usual.  She bought a cute tablecloth for Ken.  You could color, do word searches and mazes.  Kerri and I of course enjoyed coloring and completing the word search. Before dinner Aunt Betty asked us to take a moment of silence for the people we have lost. Mum your name shouldn't have been on that list.  She felt bad for making us tear up but it was nice to acknowledge you even though you weren't there.  After dinner we sat around talking and we were talking about Lisa and then you.  Aunt Betty has said it before but she she said again how she knows you wouldn't have wanted to live if you weren't 100%.  I know you wouldn't have wanted us to take care of you like you probably would've needed but I hope you know I would have done anything to take care of you if it meant having you here.  Ken slept over your house with Kerri after dinner and she asked Dad about the bike tipping over.  Kerri said his face just dropped.  She must have heard a tid bit of a conversation.  She misses you so much.  Raegan has stopped saying your name and it breaks my heart.

On Friday, Kerri and I took Ken to the South Shore plaza.  I was the big spender like usual!  I had Kerri take Ken for a little bit so I could go crazy at the Disney store.  Ken will be a happy girl on Christmas.  I also got my 5 favorite things for my party this year.  I got 5 Vera Bradley lanyards.  The were on sale for $6!  I was so excited! 

That night Ken and I had dinner at Friendly's and then I took her to the Galleria to see Frozen.  She loved going to the "theater".  I wish you had come with us and could have shared her excitement with us.  She loved the music and the ice queen Elsa.  She tells me my favorite is Anna.  I downloaded the songs and we listen to them all the time in the car.

Saturday was the Voch craft fair.  We saw Alyssa and Kendra.  They make really cute burlap door hangings.  Kerri and Court bought one.  I decided I had enough decorations. Crazy! I know.  Kendra and Alyssa both look at us so sad.  They are so close to their mom like we were to you so I think it truly hurts them to see us and know our pain.  I then met up with Jay and Raeg for the Christmas parade.  We met the Bests there, Germaine, Mimi and the Pequitas.  The girls really liked it.  I kept thinking about the picture we took last year.  The one of all of us girls.  We should have been able to take that again.

I called Brian Saturday night about spending more time with Dad.  dad wants to see him and Brian has been making no time for him.  He hung up on me first then only gave me about 2 minutes on the phone.  I know he's probably hurting so much but I feel bad because Dad just wants to spend time with him and see him.  I feel like I'm failing at trying to keep everyone together.  I don't know what my role is.  I'm not there to help Dad as much as Courtney and Kerri are so I just feel so alone and left out.  Some people have been treating me different since you've been gone and I don't know how to fix it.  I want the friends back that I could talk to about stupid things without having to get in too deep.  I don't want people to look at me differently and treat me differently.  I miss you so much but I need some normalcy back.