Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday Mum!  I wish more than anything I could be saying this to your face.  I stopped at the cemetery on my way home.  I felt like I needed to.  When I pulled in I noticed that Courtney was already there.  I scared the crap out of her when I tapped on her window.  Dad ended up meeting us there too and we just stood at your grave and cried.  I never imagined that I'd have to go to a cemetery to say Happy Birthday to you.  Dad just hugged Courtney and I.  We finally left because it was freezing!  You would have hated the weather today.  You wouldn't have been able to take the dogs for a walk and you would have had the pellet stove blasting heat. 
We all met up for dinner at Zen in Wareham.  I know it's expensive but that's where Dad wanted to go.  Brian didn't come but we were all there with the girls.  Cayd was screaming and entertaining everyone at the restaurant like usual.  We all came back to my house after and set off paper wish lanterns.  Kennedy asked why we were doing it and I told her so you could get them in heaven.  She wants to make sure you get them and that they don't burn you.  I told her you will blow them out when you get them. 
Mum you should have been able to tell us that you wanted to do anything as long as you didn't have to cook and clean.  We shouldn't have had to send lanterns to heaven.  I still can't make sense of all this and I want you back so much.  On days I'm thinking doing so good I have break downs over silly things.
Last night Kennedy wanted to read, "Cowboy Mikey".  It was mine when I was little and when I saw my name written on the front cover I lost it.  I know you read that book to me and I would give anything to hear you read it again.  My girls shouldn't have to grow up without you.  I hope you are enjoying your birthday with your Mom and Dad but I really wish you were here with us. 
I love you!