Sunday...2 Weeks

Mum,
It has been 2 weeks since Dad came in the camper and told me the hospital called and we needed to go there.  Dad and I walked in and the Dr. came in shortly after that.  He told us you had a rough night and things were turning worse.  You had developed a respitory disorder from a blood tranfusion and your lungs were inflamed and not taking in oxygen like they should.  They had put you at the max 100% on the vent and you were only at 90% according to the machines.  The Dr. said you had a 50/50 chance, like a coin toss he said of making it through this.  I stared at those numbers for the next hour and they kept going down.  I had to make the phone call to Kerri who had spent the night at a hotel with her friends and then I called Courtney.  Courtney, Brian, Aunt Nancy and Uncle Cliff got a flight to Florida right away but wouldn't be there until later.  Kerri came right over.  I left shortly after Kerri got there because I couldn't stand to watch those numbers go lower and lower.  I went to the camper and laid down for awhile.  I checked in on you by texting Kerri and everytime she would tell me the numbers went down more.  I knew that you were going to die that day.  I don't know much about the human body or brain but I know that you had already sustained some brain injuries and without oxygen you couldn't make it.  I went back to the hospital and had lunch with dad in the cafeteria.  We both told each other you were tough and can pull through this but mom I knew you wouldn't.  I left again and sat at the camper waiting for the phone call.  I just couldn't see you like that.  The phone call finally came around 9pm.  Kerri was crying and said John was going to come get me because things were bad.  I called Jay crying and told him this was it.  I got in the car and John put his hand on my knee and just said, "I'm sorry."  I thought you had died.  When I got to the hospital Courtney, Brian, Kerri, Dad, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Cliff, Larry, John and Rebecca were there.  The nurse then came out and said we could go back in.  You had crashed but they had pumped your lungs with oxygen and that broke up some of the congestion in your lungs and your levels went back up.  I left the room shortly after and Aunt Nancy and Larry had gone in there with you.  They came out shortly after when the nurses had told them to leave.  We were then called into the conference room, where dad spent the first night of the accident.  The male nurse told us to sit down.  I sat in between Brian and Kerri and I grabbed both of their legs.  I knew what he was going to say and I have flashbacks about it everyday.  He said, "she is going to die from this, we can continue compressions for 25 more minutes but she is going to die from this."  He then asked to see Courtney and Dad.  They decided to stop the compressions because you wouldn't have recovered after the loss of oxygen.  I never expected in a million years to have to hear those words.  I didn't cry i just sat there between Brian and Kerri and let it sink it.  This is what I knew was coming but I wasn't ready.  I was so numb.  They told us we could go in the room with you.  I stood behind Brian because I couldn't look at you like that.  I watched Dad kiss your hand one more time as he had done every time he went into see you for the past few weeks.  I left the room and sat down in a chair right outside the room.  I kept my composure until I thought of Kennedy.  How could I tell her that Nana had died?  She idolized you and loved you so much.  A piece of me died that Sunday night along with you.  You were my whole life for 29 years.  I talked to you when I was happy, sad, angry, and pretty much everything else everyday.  I should be calling you to help me get through this sadness but I can't.  My heart hurts and I miss you so much.  I hope I'll wake up each day and realize this has been a bad dream.  This is probably one of the hardest letters I'll write because of the details of your last day but I needed to get it out and you were always such a listener.