Yesterday I was too emotionally exhausted to even attempt to write you.  Courtney, Kerri, Dad and I went to meet with a financial consultant and lawyer after school.  I had a hard time looking through your things and seeing your handwriting.  I never thought your terrible handwriting would make me cry but seeing it on the calendar in the kitchen was tough.  I noticed you were supposed to have a dentist appointment tomorrow.  It's foolish things that get to me.
The financial consultant had some great advice for dad.  I was glad we went and spoke with him.  He talked to Kerri and I about an extra retirement plan for us.  We will probably go back and set that up with him later.  When it came time to meet with the lawyer it wasn't as easy.  She asked a lot of questions about the accident so we had to hear dad describe what happened.  I haven't heard him describe it since the day after it happened when we went to Florida.  I had to leave the room.  I can imagine you yelling and knowing that was the last time dad heard your voice hurts my heart.  (Kennedy just came in my room, saw me crying and said "She will be okay Mommy."  She then kissed my nose and cheek and gave me a big hug.  She's such a good girl.)  The lawyer thinks we should look into seeing if there were cameras at the traffic lights at the intersection where the accident happens.  She talked about finding the license plate number of the car that dad swerved from.  Kerri and I don't want to pursue it!  We don't want to relive what happened and pressing charges or making accusations on someone else will not make you come back to us.  I don't know what is going to happen with it next but I'm hoping nothing.
This morning sucked!  Raegan was very whiney and Kennedy didn't want to wake up or get dressed.  I felt like I yelled all morning.  Kennedy cried when I combed her hair, got her dressed and pretty much about everything.  I grabbed my phone to call you to bitch then realized you must already know.  I was in meetings all day and at lunch time I said with Debbie, Jamie and Stephanie.  Debbie lost her mom when she was 32 and told me it doesn't really get easier.  She said she still misses her mom and thinks about her all the time.  She cried and then apologized for it.  I never want anyone to apologize for crying about their mom, their loss or you.  It's sad and it sucks!  I don't know if I will ever go a day without crying.  My whole body hurts sometimes because I miss you so much.  I have to take something to sleep every night because I'm afraid to wake up and start thinking.