I don't think about heaven

I wasn't going to write a note to you today because other than 2 of my boys driving me nuts in school today not much new has happened.  I still think about you all the time and want to call you and text you just like I always did.  Someone told me today they think about me and our family all the time.  She said she feels guilty for still having her mother around who is 89.  I told her not to feel guilty but that I do get a little annoyed when I hear people complain about things their moms do.   I would do anything to have you around to complain about!
I just got done cuddling with Kennedy in bed.  She told me she misses you.  I started crying and told her I miss you too.  She grabbed my head and started patting my back.  She is the strongest and most supportive little girl.  She sits there and holds me while I cry and will only say, "she is okay".  Last night at dinner I told her we could go wherever she wants after school on Wednesday and her response was "heaven".  I wish I could take her there to see you.  We all miss you so much.  I told her tonight that if she sees you in her dreams to tell you that I love you.  She said she will but she doesn't like to think about heaven.  She just likes to think of you alive and then she said she wants to see you alive again.  It's not fair that at 3 years old she has to deal with the loss of you.  She wants to know how God gets so high in the sky.  I told her he is really powerful.  She asked if heaven is in the clouds or higher than the clouds.  I told her it's higher.  She wants to take an airplane to go visit you in heaven because "trucks can't go that high." 
I just got a message from Aunt Sandy that Jeff Conway wrote...

 

 

To My #2 Mom... . November 26, 2013 at 3:44pm
I won't use any names in this but, people who care will know who I'm refering to...
Back in the day I was a complete screwup, I know, you all find that hard to believe but, it's sadly true. I had 2 friends that happened to be husband & wife. I can't remember not knowing her, she grew up right up the street from my cousins house which I used to spend quite a bit of time at. She hung out with some of my older, girl cousins.
Him, he was & is a half assed relative, had the best trucks around, awesome motor machinest & all around great guy. Boy could we drink beer!
Well, they got together & got married. They started their life together as I continued my slow, downward spiral. He & I were co-workers, friends, hustled any type of work we could come up with on the side. I was mechaical but, he fine tuned my mechanical skills. She was always there, not always happy with our beer drinking but, she was always there.
They started a family, 3 girls & 1 boy (finally!). During that time I lived in a room in their cellar because I was such a screwup & I had no where else to go. My own family had given up on me... He & She never gave up on me. I held everyone of their children, played with them, shared meals with that family... After their son was born, I disappeared from their lives. I picked up what little I had & left. They never asked me to leave. I just felt it was the right thing to do. Hell, they had a young family & I was their 20 somthing year old kid!
Fast forward 25 years... when I had a chance to talk with him, we always said that we needed to get together, let our wives meet, have some good eats, blah, blah, blah... We never had the chance to do that. She was tragically,unexpectedly, taken from us a short time ago.
If you have a chance to tell others how much they have truely ment in your life, do not hesitate to do so! I always thought that we'd get together some day. That day will never come now. This is somthing that I WILL regret for the rest of my days...
I'll miss you & love you forever Mom #2. I'll be here for you or yours Dad #2... You know who you are...

 

Mum you meant so much to so many people and we all miss you so much!