Thinking of You a lot Today

Mum,
This morning I dropped Raegan off at Michelle's house and she cried the second we walked in the door.  I felt so bad for her and I just knew she wanted you.  She knows her schedule has changed and she misses her Tuesday and Thursdays with you.  I gave her a kiss and walked out the door as she was crying, calling "Mama" and crawling towards me.  Michelle says she does that every time I leave.  I didn't think she would understand that you were gone but she definitely sense something is off.  Kennedy and I stopped by your house on the way to school.  Dad came running up from the back yard.  He was working on the rig with boyfriend and a couple of the guys from Big Wheels.  It makes me sad to see him at your house without you.  I should have been dropping Raegan off to you and you should have been saying, "Hi my beauty" to Ken and "love to you all" as we walked out the door. 
I composed myself for most of the day until I was cleaning tables and Jocelyn came in to say hi.  I just told her it's not fair that I lost you so young.  Everyone I know still have their mom to turn to.  It was picture day for Kennedy today and I didn't know what package or background color to pick.  You're supposed to help me with that.  Kennedy looked so damn cute.  She was wearing a black puffy dress, black sweater, sparkly shoes and a black headband.  I chose to do a purple background and got the most popular package.  Dad told Ken to make sure we get enough pictures for him to have one.  Kennedy and I also got our picture done together.  Kimberly, the principal told me to go do it since we both were wearing black.
I went back to class tonight for my Masters.  I missed a few classes while I was in Florida with you.  I get so nervous to see people.  I got a little bit anxious before walking in but I was able to present an assignment.  I fought back tears a lot in class.  I was anticipating the ride home.  I always called you on the way home to complain about class or let you know all the stupid things people said.  I miss calling you and I still pick up the phone every time I'm in the car to call you and chat.  I want you back so bad it hurts.