Build a Bear

Today I took Kennedy to the Braintree mall to go to Build a Bear.  She first asked to go to heaven to see you but when I told her we couldn't go there she settled for Build a Bear.  Kennedy and I ended up going alone because no one wanted to come with us.  I was sad on the way ere because its something we would have done together.  I know you would have come with us and we would have gone to Joe's for clam chowder in a bread bowl and a Caesar salad.  I shouldn't have to be taking Kennedy places by myself.  You should have come with us!  Kennedy made a pony and a princess bear for Raegan.  She wanted ice cream for lunch so we went to Emack and Bolies.  As we sat down for her to eat her pink ice cream with rainbow sprinkles I felt so lonely.  Even though I had Kennedy with me I wanted you there too.  We went to the Disney store after and she wanted to get a Mrs. Potts and Chip tea party set.  You would love it...it's so cute and I know you love Beauty and the Beast.  I think I'll get it for her for Christmas.  I know you would have picked out a new Disney doll for her since 2 years ago you got her Belle and last year Pocahontas.  The Ariel one is adorable...you would think so too and Dad bought Raegan The Little Mermaid for her birthday (I know you were planning on getting it for Ken for Christmas).
I hate Christmas shopping without you and planning Ken's birthday party without your input.  She wants a Sofia party and we are having it at Boomers in Carver.  I'm nervous to cry when I see the card from dad that just says "love Bapa".  I held it together at Raegan's party but I wanted to run in my room and hide.  I feel like I don't know what to do without you.  Sometimes I just feel lost.
Tomorrow we are going to Aunt Betty's just like we have been.  Aunt Betty got Dad more Chapstick. Thank goodness! We know he can't go without it!  She said she got a table cloth that Kennedy can color on and is bringing out some games to liven us up! Haha....I guess she doesn't want Dad and Uncle Barney falling asleep.  A lot of people came in my room today and gave me a hug and told me they know tomorrow with be hard.  I don't think people get it!  Tomorrow is just like every other day has been for the past month.  We will be without out.  We were together all the time so holidays were not really a big deal (as far as getting together goes).  You are missing the Christmas parade. :( I wish I could say we will get to do all this with you next year but I know last year were the last holidays we will ever spend together.  You should be out with dad tonight and wearing your purple and white North Face with some jeans and a striped Gap shirt complaining about the crappy weather.